A Cruel Angel's Thesis

How astoundingly arrogant we have become to believe we know more than God!

What makes our people suffer? Pride. A pride that we echo throughout our minds, placing the needle back as soon as the record skips, refusing to flip to the next. We are addicted to our pride, to our self-loathing, to our masks, to our anxiety, to our cynicism, to our smallness. Mistakes we make imprint on us, and we believe we have them branded on our hearts for all to gaze at. The hours we waste on the menial and dispassionate drives our guilt, casting a reflection on the squandered minutes of our lives. The hurt others bestow and our pain we cause them transfigures us, melting our spirit. The thoughts of ourselves, the idyllic perfect perception we grasp for in dreams severs our grounded connections, and we float amongst the hopeless. We are imperfect beings, and yet, so quick to call out others imperfections to hide and minimize our own.

How do you cope with your failure of idealized self? Through alcohol? Through achievement? Through sex and pleasure? Through adrenaline? Through wasting time? Through opinions? Through clever cynicism? Through bloated righteousness? Through power? Through information? Through nihilism?

Through Death?

I have always liked the question and its subsequent answers: “If you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you do today?” I find it to be incredibly telling. Most of us would travel, engage in something adventurous, and wind down the hours with cherished people whom we love. Few would have anxiety about it, and knowing their fate, would throw off all the small and worldly cares to truly live that last day. I hardly suppose they would be watching Tik-Toks, catching up on the latest political drama, or gossiping about others. Those who would seek to commit acts of evil, debauchery, and hedonism in their final hours are the ones riddled with real anxiousness, as the promise of the perfect after is not enough. I believe when truly faced with our own mortality in a way such as this we begin to unfurl a closer to realized self than we mostly ever are, either to our benefit or our peril. In our last moments in the Good realized self, we trust in God’s plan and anxiety washes away.

Yet when we live, or so exist, in the realm of unknown fate we are in constant torment and fear.

I have made so many mistakes. I worry about tomorrow. I worry about next year. I fear being alone. I am ugly. I have nothing to offer. I waste my time. I have hurt people I loved. People have hurt me. I am unhappy. I am unloved. I am hated. I hate myself.

What a trap our mind can be! Indeed, it is our worst enemy many a time, yet again, that is merely your pride at work. Terror is anxiety, anxiety is worry, worry is questioning, and questioning with fear what was, is, and will be is mistrust of The Lord and His plan for your life.

There is no possibility of traversing your time on earth without pain and sorrow. In fact, those who look only to maximize pleasure in place of such hurt do so at the selfish ruin of themselves and others. There is no shield large enough to bash and repel all pain away. It must be accepted as a reality, and more than that, it must be embedded in the soul that it is worth it. Every second of your life is meaningful, and how you choose to spend it is in your keeping alone. Blame politics, blame culture, blame your church, blame your father, blame your wife, blame your children, but if you do not put responsibility on yourself for how you react to all others and forces of nature, you can never be content.

The key to happiness is trust in His plan. Only then do you have an antidote to the unavoidable maladies of your mind that are brought on by the unrelenting pain caused by life. In our moments of great happiness, it is quite easy to believe that we have brought ourselves to this place, and forget about God entirely, and then when the pain once again arises welcome Him back in. This is our pride once again, making us believe we have the power of the plan, but in reality it is His, and the only way to continue acceptance and happiness is through a constant trust, not just when it is convenient or needed in the moment. God is not merely found in the weekly pew, but in the mundane, ordinary, and harsh challenges of every minute.

Your faith must be an unrelenting crusade on your heart. You must prioritize solitude when those around you lead you to disarray, yet return with compassion and hope as a leader, not as part of a whole with them, but whole on your own with God. We are connected to others as humans, but only you can make your own choices. Do not let your mind deride you of that, and lead you to mold and fear. You are here on this earth! What a blessing that truly is! Satan and his corruption of your mind seeks to lead you astray from that wonderful reality, but within you is the power of trust, and the recognition that pain, hurt and mistakes are paths, not dead ends, will bring you to the glory of where you are intended. Accept all that has happened as not merely cruel chaos, but your life! Every trial is a chance for sharpening. And the next steps ahead and how you act through all fire and flowers is all your choosing, and my friend, that truly is a comforting thought.

-Will Witt